


Twelve Days of a Stargate Christmas

by Am-Chau (Vacillating)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-25
Updated: 2011-08-25
Packaged: 2017-10-23 01:25:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/244706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vacillating/pseuds/Am-Chau





	Twelve Days of a Stargate Christmas

**The Twelve Days of a Stargate Christmas  
** by Am-Chau Yarkona ([amchau@popullus.net](mailto:\(amchau@popullus.net))

 

One: Partridge In A Pear Tree   
__

_"It's Christmas, it's Christmas…"_ Jack  
sang. Daniel gave him what he hoped was a steely-eyed glare, and turned back to  
present wrapping, which was proceeding with much cursing and over-use of sticky  
tape.

 _"…It's Christmas every single day…"_ Jack  
went on.

Daniel sighed, and threw a ball of screwed-up paper at him.  
"It really was a mistake to watch _Monty Python_ last night."

"Why?" Jack asked, attempting an innocent face,  
which hadn't worked for years, but was still in amazingly current usage. 

"Because…" Daniel began, and then gave up.  
"Oh, hell. Sing away, Jack; I'm going to open the wine."

Two: Turtle Doves

"Daniel Jackson and O'Neill have been absent a long  
time," Teal'c observed.

He wasn't wrong; half an hour had passed since they'd  
excused themselves to the kitchen on the pretext of putting the finishing  
touches on the food, leaving Sam and Teal'c to sip their drinks in the front  
room.

"Something's probably gone wrong," Sam replied,  
shrugging. She rather thought that something was probably going right, but  
didn't know how much Teal'c knew or guessed, and wasn't about to ruin Christmas  
with a misplaced word. 

"Either that," Teal'c agreed, "or they are  
not devoting all their time to culinary arts."

Three: French Hens   


"General," Daniel said, slightly desperately.  
"This kitchen isn't really big enough for three."

"It's George, son, we're off-duty," Hammond told  
him. "You go and talk to your guests, Jack and I can finish up in  
here."

Even Daniel knew a dismissal when he heard one. With one  
final lustful glance at Jack, he left the turkey to their tender mercies and  
went to talk to Sam, Teal'c, Janet, and the others.

"Everything alright, Daniel?" Sam asked him  
quietly, when the flow of conversation let her get a word in. 

"Fine, Sam," he assured her. "Slight case of  
too many cooks."

Four: Calling Birds   


"It was fun," Louis told his wife, "I mean,  
for a work thing; I don't think you missed much."

 _It was a lot easier having only SGC people,_ he meant  
but could never say. All he could do was sabotage the babysitting arrangements  
and hope that the others did likewise, because to have an SGC social at which  
you couldn't mention aliens was very awkward.

"Talked about work, mostly?" his wife smiled,  
thinking of the office parties she'd attended at which the photocopier was the  
centre of discussion.

He nodded. "Our flagship team hogged the conversation,  
as usual. Bedtime, love."

 

Five: Golden Rings

"If you could get enough gold," Sam said  
patiently to Daniel, as he spread a blanket over the couch for her, "and  
make a 'gate, it would be…" She swayed, so he pushed her gently until she  
was seated. "It'd be… pretty."

"I'm sure," Daniel agreed. "Goodnight,  
now."

He turned the light out and left the room, feeling like he  
was abandoning a team-mate but much too embarrassed to do anything else.

"She 'kay?" Jack enquired, when Daniel stumbled  
back into his bedroom.

"Yeah," he reported. "Think she'll notice…  
sharing?"

Jack shook his head with drunken wisdom. "Nah. Too  
sloshed."

Six: Geese A-Laying

"You are the sixth member of the SGC I had have  
discovered in this condition this today," Teal'c said to Jack when he found  
him puking into the toilet bowl.

"No kidding," Jack said.

"Indeed. This aspect of Tau'ri behaviour continues to  
confuse me."

"You're not the only one," Daniel admitted.  
"I do it, and every time I swear I’ll never do it again."

"The Tau'ri are an illogical race," Jack said,  
then threw up again.

"Ten out of ten for observation, Spock," Daniel  
replied.

"Who is Spock?" Teal'c enquired.

"Anthropology expert," Jack told him. Daniel  
thumped him, rather half-heartedly. 

Seven: Swans A-Swimming

"We're doing New Year's **as well** as  
Christmas?" Sam said, slightly incredulous.

Jack nodded. "Didn't you enjoy Christmas,  
Carter?"

His second-in-command considered using the butt of P-90 to  
wipe the mock-innocent expression off his face. "Well… yes, sir,  
but…"

Seeing that she was going to need a little extra  
encouragement—probably still nursing that hangover—he dropped his voice and  
said, "We've got a bet on. Daniel's sworn he's going to drink me under the  
table, and I need an impartial judge."

"You might be better off asking Teal'c," she  
said, but she sounded less unwilling.

"And explain it all?"

Eight: Maids A-Milking

In the end, there were three impartial judges—Sam, Janet,  
and George.

"We'd better settle the rules before we begin,"  
Janet said. "I saw some of these games at medical school, and the key is  
firm rules."

"You're our expert," George told her. Sam giggled  
softly but slightly hysterically.

"Okay," Janet declared. "Match each other,  
shot for shot. Mixing drinks is not permitted. Water is allowed, in separate  
glasses, but you have to match each other. The first one to be unable to remain  
on his chair is the loser. Prizes…"

"Have been negotiated," Jack told her. Daniel  
smirked.

"Begin."

Nine: Ladies Dancing

At some point, attention slid away from Jack and Daniel,  
determinedly doing shots in the corner. Janet and Sam undertook to teach Teal'c  
Tau'ri dancing, though they were spending more time leaning on each other and  
giggling than showing Teal'c anything.

"You'd be better letting me show you," George  
said.

"Or me," Daniel put in. "I'm not very good,  
but I'm very… hic… flexible."

Jack sniggered, and whiskey went up his nose.

"Cheat!" Daniel cried, when the mess had been  
cleaned up. "Janet, make him swallow one." 

"Alcohol is absorbed through the nose," Janet  
said. "Both of you, drink up."

Ten: Lords A-Leaping

"We won't really be able to tell when they're falling  
off their chairs if they're not on their chairs to start with," Sam  
observed, as they watched Jack and Daniel boogie-stagger around the room.  
"Try and sit down a minute, let's see how drunk you really are."

They tried. Jack fell over the coffee table on his way to  
the chair, but climbed up and perched on it; Daniel crossed the room more  
sedately but missed the chair the first time he tried to sit down. He closed one  
eye, and succeeded. It was adjudged that neither was sufficiently intoxicated.

Eleven: Pipers Piping

"D'ya hear anythin'?" Jack whispered. They were  
alone on the floor of Jack's front room; the others had abandoned them.

"Mus be Sam'n'Janet," Daniel replied. "Gen'al  
took acab, 'n' Tel'c's gone too."

Jack nodded, sagely, and then had to lie still and breathe  
for a minute while the room stopped spinning.

From the next room came a series of gasps and moans.

"They're havin' prizeseses," Daniel said, sounded  
puzzled though not upset. "Lu'ky 'em."

"Verra lu'ky," Jack agreed. "Wan' your  
prize?"

"Yeah," Daniel said, tried to roll over, and  
gulped. "No' now. La'er."

"You 'kay?"

"Pukey."

"Me too."

"'S normal."

Twelve: Drummers Drumming

Janet had been planning on using the pictures she took that  
night of Colonel O'Neill as part of her regular lecture to recruits, "What  
You Should Know About Alcohol And Why I'm Reminding You," but when the film  
was developed and she saw some of the _other_ pictures she'd taken, she  
decided that it was much better not to embarrass a man who could be in command  
of some serious blackmail material.

Not that she was entirely lacking on that score, but that  
wasn't the point.

Hum… the game had good results. Perhaps she should  
challenge Sam to a match…


End file.
